About 6 maybe 7 years ago I was in a play.
It was a really bad play, but we had established an amazing sense of community. Our rehearsals were physical and long and we'd often bring snacks to share. It was around Easter and my FAVORITE in the whole world candy - ROBIN'S EGGS - were available. They are an amazing blend of malted milk ball and candy shell they just melt with such a wonderful sugary burst on the tongue - it is incredible.
So these candies were there and I was NON STOP moving candy from bag to mouth. Oh the joy of mass consumption! After about 10 the joy was fading and the sickness was setting in, but I really didn't want to stop. WHY STOP? The pleasure of pure refined bliss was just moments away!!
I remember turning to a fellow cast member explaining this and he just looked at me and was like - "Annette. Just stop."
HA. I thought, HA. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW I SHOULD!
But I really didn't feel like I had control. Their mere physical presence spurred me on. If they existed where I existed HOW WAS I TO NOT CONSUME THEM?! WHO AM I!? A FICTIONAL CHARACTER THAT MAKES CHOICES BASED ON HEALTH?? HA! SCOFF! HA!
Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on moments like this from my past and wondering what has shifted from then to now? What actually allowed me to stop?
Knowing I should stop, wasn't the thing.
Wanting to stop, wasn't the thing.
Having a logical understanding that 30+ Robin's Eggs is not the way to a trimmer waistline and a greater sense of wellbeing, also was not the thing.
I love the phrase "simple, not easy" and that pretty much sums it up. The way I got from point A to point B wasn't revolutionary, but it did take a lot of self discovery and a lot of understanding of what motivates my choices.
Belief drives behavior which drives results - so what was I truly believing? And how could I shift that belief to be in-line with my actual priorities? And how could I create an environment to support the results I wanted?
What things do you do that you KNOW you shouldn't be doing, but feel powerless to stop?
What are you actually believing?