Sometimes I want to be perfect.
Sometimes I look at what I've accomplished in life and think I will reach a place where everything feels right. Where I feel like I have dialed in the perfect combination and I will feel a sense of contentment at all times.
Where I will feel connected to myself and the world.
And the world and I will hold hands and smile at each other. The end credits will play with a swelling back drop of poignant music and fade to black.
It doesn't go that way.
Life is a constant ebb and flow. Which is annoying, but you know what they say - if you don't feel the lows you won't appreciate the highs. I wish it weren't as true as it really, really is.
I experience moments of simple perfection like walking home after a good workout, feeling expended, feeling endorphins kicking, and looking at the beautiful world around me. I pause in those moments and think this is it. This is what it is all about.
Then I have other moments where something is just off. Nothing I can put my finger on, just a sense of not being connected. I will often try to trick myself out of it by doing something, by distracting myself... by something.
But lately I have considered what if it is okay to be off?
What if that is part of human?
And obviously it is. I KNOW IT IS.
But. I often forget.
Facing the world is interesting. You see people in mere moments of their lives. Glimpses. It can seem like they are eternally happy in that moment. That they have it all figured out.
But, there isn't a figured out.
The goals always shift and there is no perfect. There is no code to crack. There is just human.
And so, I will forgive myself for not being perfect.
For making mistakes.
For being human.